Scars need healing

People hurt each other. The more you interact with someone, the more likely you are going to be hurt. Simon and Garfunkel have a song where the chorus shouts out "I am a rock! I am an island!" And the song ends with "and a rock feels no pain... and an island never cries." 

It is a very sad song. We want to set up that environment where we are protected. Protection isn't bad. But God is our refuge; God is our strength. 

Another line in that song is "if I never loved, I never would have cried." We are called to love people. Even people we don't like. Sometimes we like people for a time, but then they hurt us and we hate them. That is selfishness. God showed us love in this way, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. 

Leave Out All the Rest is a humbling song by Linkin Park. Occasionally they put aside all their angst and form a really beautiful song. When you hurt a close friend, it destroys you. People hurt each other. Sometimes we hurt others and they run away from us because they don't want to be hurt again. Sometimes we hurt others and we run away because we think they won't love us. Sometimes we hurt others and run away because we are afraid of the monster we have become. 

I was watching Madagascar as I was babysitting. It's an ok movie, but it reflects that last truth so well. Alex the lion realizes that he could hurt his friends. He is ruined. He can't be around them anymore. He runs away and puts himself in a makeshift cage so that he doesn't hurt them. It is tempting to be like Alex. We don't want to hurt people we care about. What we don't realize is that it hurts them when we leave as well. If your friends really love you, they want you despite your flaws. 

In this song, Chester is scared. He realizes that life ends. He realizes that pain can leave scars. Before I continue here are the lyrics to the song:

I dreamed I was missing

You were so scared

But no one would listen

Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming

I woke with this fear

What am I leaving

When I'm done here?

So, if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed 

And don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Don't be afraid

I've taken my beating

I've shared what I've made

I'm strong on the surface

Not all the way through

I've never been perfect

But neither have you

So, if you're asking me, I want you to know

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed 

And don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Forgetting

All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well

Pretending

Someone else can come and save me from myself

I can't be who you are

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I've done

Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed 

And don't resent me

And when you're feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Forgetting

All the hurt inside you've learned to hide so well

Pretending

Someone else can come and save me from myself

I can't be who you are

I can't be who you are

We can focus on the pain and continue to feel hurt, or we can move past that and move forward with love.

In their most recent album Chester sings "I want to see you choke on your lies! Swallow up your greed! Suffer all alone in your misery!"

Sadly there are no happy scars. Only painful ones. If we are never healed, we will always see those scars. Scars make your skin numb. You don't feel anymore. It is much easier to keep a scar in place because you do not want to feel again. Healing is scary. Healing is like saying "Yes, hurt me again! I want to be able to feel this pain!" But healing is also saying "I want something real." Because we can all live in ignorance. We have all been down that road and we know where it goes. It is safe. Welcoming. It calls us when we are away and asks when we will be back home. "Don't got outside, or you'll get hurt!" But reality is outside.

Life. Joy. Peace. Satisfaction. 

There is nothing there for us in our old home, but healing brings life, joy, peace and satisfaction. 

God says this of his servant:

“Surely he has borne our griefs

and carried our sorrows;

yet we esteemed him stricken,

smitten by God, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions;

he was crushed for our iniquities;

upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace,

 and with his wounds we are healed.”

It's not fair! We deserve to live in our own scars. We deserve to be locked up, away from others, so that we don't hurt them. We deserve to have others scream at us "Choke on your lies! Swallow up your greed! Suffer all alone in your misery!" 

Jesus bore our griefs, carried our sorrows, struck, smitten, afflicted, pierced, crushed so that we could be free from our own evil. Don't live in it. Can we crucify Jesus a second time? Just as ridiculous as that is, so how ridiculous we are to continue in our evil.

tl;dr

I'll admit it. I'm stupid. I shut others out. I revel in my own manure. But there is a way out. It is the only way out because it isn't based on myself. It makes sense. Jesus is healing.


I am a Rock:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKlSVNxLB-A

Leave Out All the Rest:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBTXNPZPfbE

LIES MISERY GREED:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Dq9q6afIP8

Sunset

Sunsets are awesome

Satisfaction: Play-doh, Bread, Social Media.

Open twitter, scroll around, but it's not there.

Next up... Instagram:

check the feed, see who liked my posts, explore some hashtags, but it's not there.

Facebook: 

Recheck what's new in the past five minutes, see who's online, have some chats with friends, but it's not there.

Maybe Snapchat?

Should I send text messages?

Maybe I should watch TV or play some games...

I open up twitter again...

Wait, what am I doing?

What I want isn't there. Is it because nobody is posting? Am I waiting for her to post something? But I'm not a creep. And I don't want to wait around for something that I can see happen. Should I post something then? I should definitely post something... well that didn't really help... What is this that is driving me? What is this desire?

Sound familiar? I feel like it should. I know this feeling all too familiarly. Emptiness. Wanting purpose. I think we all know that we don't have satisfaction from these things.

Maybe we are just like kids with play-doh. I've been doing a lot of babysitting recently. The kids act up when they don't have something to do. They get antsy. But when you give them play-doh, then they are busy. They are being stimulated because the play-doh is interactive. They don't really make anything either. Most of the time they just mess around with it, but even if they make something really cool, it doesn't last. Play-doh time is over and their creation is forgotten. What lasts?

Because this isn't like this is just a problem for kids with play-doh or for big kids with social media. Even if I make the coolest Instagram post, have a million followers, etc. I know that I'm not going to feel good about life. What is satisfying? 

God asks this question:

“Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread,

    and your labor for that which does not satisfy?

Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good,

    and delight yourselves in rich food.

Incline your ear, and come to me;

    hear, that your soul may live;"

It's convicting to hear. It isn't that satisfaction is far away. It isn't that a full life doesn't exist. It's that I refuse to live. No, I want to live, I want satisfaction, but I want to make it. I want to think that I know better, that I can make something more satisfying than what God will give me. 

This isn't just a call to read your bible more. Jesus rebukes the religious leaders of his day with this:

"You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me, yet you refuse to come to me to have life."

Ugh. 

tl;dr

I consider Jesus my best friend, but too often, I refuse him. I can choose my own lifelessness. But I am empty. I need to trust the one person who will never hurt me. It makes sense. Jesus is satisfying.